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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

F the Fiery Furnaces

Normally I would not want to dedicate many words to something that I dislike, so I'll just say this, "Hey Pitchforkmedia.com! The Fiery Furnaces couldn't write a decent song to save their whining, self-indulgent, self-loving, sibling-loving, unmelodic, meandering, 12 minute-song-writing asses. Goddam I hate this band. And I wish they wouldn't put out a 10 song, 40 minute album and call it "ep", like it's not a full album. You're not fooling anyone, bitches! And for that Blueberry Boat album? Did you ever consider writing 12 fully formed, sensical, coherent, tuneful songs? I mean, like, cut-an-pasting together, like, four dozen unfinished ideas and calling it an epic "concept" album, is really just a cop-out, right? You really don't fool me. Putting out one crappy album every 9 months doesn't indicate talent. Too much time on your hands, maybe. Perhaps it demonstrates the dangers of what happens when "professional" recording products are easily available to the home user. And for your lyrics: just because you're reading out of some obscure book, doesn't mean that it's good, or that anyone wants to hear it. And your tunes? Might I make a suggestion? A little thing called "melody". I think you have what I call "melodic tunnel-vision". You can't see beyond the 4 or 5 notes per song that the vocalist can make. Believe me when I say, there's 88 keys on a standard piano! That's 88 different notes that you could incorporate into a song! Think of it!! More than 4? You bet. I'm no mathematician, but I guarantee, that if you look hard, you'll even find a variety of notes to be found on a guitar's neck as well. Blueberry Boat is a bunch of little ditties strung together to make one giant, solipsistic mess of a 78 minute album. Ugh. It's really terrible. Now, I know that some indie rock critics have called this a great album, but 500 years ago, they all would have agreed that the world was flat, too, so that shows what they know.

"So", you're asking, "What's good, then?". I'll tell you. Right now, I'm listening the The Arcade Fire album, "Funeral". It's really, really good. It's received high praise, and I think it's well-deserved. Good, emotional, some chamber strings, and it's made by a husband/wife combo, and some others. Kind of 80's-ish, I suppose, but very original. Check it out wherever you can, yo.

California was very floody, as you can see at any reputable news web-site.

Disneyland was very wet and drippy, but kind of like a magical, rainy ghost-town. IT'S A SMALL WORLD was all decorated-up for Christmas, but it's such a janky ride to begin with, it's like dressing up a dog in a dress with a wig and make-up. Shure, it's pretty, but it's still a stinky dog, who eats his own shite. Pirates, Splash Mtn, Indy Jones, etc. were all very good. No lines for nothing, so that's nice. We got to go to Buca di Beppo with Lonny, Cris, and Kyla, which was totally great. I miss my old chum Lonny. He's going to be a cop pretty soon.

School is fun and funny. Spanish 102, is like, the worst class I've ever taken. How useless is Spanish? If I ever even get a gardener, I'm going to make sure he speaks English. Oh crap, my stereotype detector is going bananas. Gotta go!

9 comments:

Feaverish said...
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Feaverish said...
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Feaverish said...
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jonny ragel said...

that's funny. I've never heard the fiery furnaces but they sound terrific.

Feaverish said...

Dude, you're totally right about the Furnaces. Much better to write the same songs everyone else has already written. I mean, E, A and B have served us well as chords for, like, 50 years! Who are the Furnaces to introduce new ones? Pretentious, that's what they are. Like that goddamn Mozart. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star my ass. Where's the lyre? Where's the zither? Stick with what works, man!

If you're not going to rewrite the same stuff over and over and over then get out of the game, is what I say. There's a reason they call them "oldies but goodies." Rehash, don't reinvent. Get a fakebook, for Pete's (ah ha!) sake. Study it, add a few cliche's of your own, and call yourself Coldplay. Or Pre-Joshua-Tree or Post-Achtung-Baby U2. Or the Holidays.

I mean, the Furnaces probably won't even get played on the radio, for crying out loud! Losers. Whatever happened to Brittney, Christina, and the New Kids? They aren't good enough for you? Piss off. Is what I say.

Sloop said...

To Feaverish: The Holidays? That's a low blow, bro. And just to remind me... which teacher did you have for your year of Music Theory classes? What's that? You didn't take Music Theory? Ok, well please to continue enjoying the FFs.

Feaverish said...
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Feaverish said...

I've never claimed to be a music expert, but people better schooled than either of us have found plenty to appreciated in the Fiery Furnaces, and Blueberry Boat specifically. Read this (it's only about one song, but the same site picks apart each of the songs on the album [and in as much detail]). Again, I'm no expert, but I know enough to know that there's much more going on in every one of their songs than in, say, Vertigo. I've got the Joshua Tree guitar book, man, the official one. There aren't any chords in there we didn't learn in our first week of playing guitar. That doesn't mean you can't like U2, or can't hate the FFs.

Anywho, my point wasn't that you have to like the FFs or hate U2 or anything like that. I was only pointing out that when you state something other than an opinion (e.g. "the Fiery Furnaces are untalented" — compare to "I hate the Fiery Furnaces"), you are liable to come off sounding ignorant. Think of kids (or, and I'm paraphrasing myself here, midwesterners) seeing a Rothko for the first time: "It's just a bunch of rectangles. I hate it." Any Art 101 student could tell you, using examples from color theory, proportion, spatial relationships, etc. that it's not "just a bunch of rectangles," and the poor rubes sound stupid and ignorant to anyone with a bit of knowledge about art. You can't argue with the "I hate it" part, but the "Rothko's not talented" bit just makes the critic sound stupid.

jonny ragel said...

aaron- you've gone waaaaay over the limit of how many posts in one thread an author can remove before becoming a self-loathing one man world of tyranny. oh, the humanity! well at least in a one man world you don't have to worry about the children...... not that I wish to pick a skirmish with anyone as astute as yourself. just observing. merely.