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Sunday, February 13, 2005

Grammys - YEAH!!

I just saw the worst thing I've ever seen in my life: Bono, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, Steven Tyler, Scott Weiland, Brian Wilson, Norah Jones, Billie Joe Armstrong, Allison Krauss on violin, some country jerkwad, backed by Velvet Revolver, featuring Slash. They were all on-stage performing "Across the Universe" and immediately after, you can download the song on iTunes, for some sort of "charity", which God Only Knows where the money actually goes, and how much actually ends up helping the homeless or whoever. Nobody could just sing the melody how John Lennon wrote, they all had to "personalize" it, and make it "soulful". Ugh. John and Paul must be spinning in their graves. It was the biggest circle jerk I've ever seen on TV.

Oh, and the ever-relevant Grammys just awarded Jelly Roll Morton a lifetime achievement award. Jelly-freaking-Roll Morton!! What is this? The Roaring 20's? Hopefully, sometime soon, Usher will re-record some of his songs, to make them appealing to my generation. YEAH!! gets my award for lyric of the year.

Bono gets the Donald Trump Hair Maintenance award.

Poor elderly James Brown is singing about being a "Sex Machine". Papa's Got a Brand New Colostomy Bag! It'll be a miracle if he doesn't fall down dead before the song is over.

Sheryl Crow looks like a whore. Or like Princess Leia in her Jabba's Palace slave girl bikini. No, more like a whore.

And now a tribute to Hoagy Carmichael. WTF? This is my Grandma's awards show.

I love how by the time the one guy on stage that actually knew Ray Charles gets to speak, the yank-him-off-stage music starts playing.

"Tonight, a tragic natural disaster is the focus." I wouldn't call U2's ticket fiasco a natural disaster, but that's just my opinion.

Now some jerk in a suit is talking about the dangers of illegaly downloading music. I'm pretty sure his suit cost more than my car. Ass.

6 comments:

jonny ragel said...

hilarious commentary per usual but----aren't you working on homework right now? how do you manage? and here I was just now thinking chef boy r d was the only straight man who could multitask. wrong again I suppose- so it appears.

Moz said...

here's how the homework went: se habla
WTF is wrong with Bono's hair? Me llama... Brian Wilson is that you?

Jay said...

a) Paul's not dead yet.
b) see a)

Sloop said...

Did you see the Super Bowl Half-time Show? Paul is dead to me.

jonny ragel said...

paul rocked the SB in my opinion. sure- I'm not certain of the last time he put out a song that kicked my ass. might not be in my lifetime. but doesn't 'doggone girl is mine' on thriller count?

*gulp*
I'm hitting "EJECT"--I seem to be proving your point- which I, *in theory*, disagree with.

*sound of someone hitting "EJECT"*

elmo said...

dude, what the crap is with Bono's hair? why won't someone in U2 be nice to him and shave it in his sleep?