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Monday, March 28, 2005

U2 keeps taking my money...

Ok, this is my third try at posting this. The first 2 times, I had really hilarious links associated with key words, but now I'm just so pissed off and frustrated that this is all you get.

The funniest quote from U2 regarding their new tour: 'The tour set
list will definitely be about half of the new album. We're not about
cabaret or greatest hits. People are expecting the new songs because
they are on the radio and at the top of the charts.'   I can find 5
things wrong with this statement.  U2 is all about greatest hits.
That's why they sell 2 separate greatest hits cds.  I would give $100
to see them play a concert where they don't play "One".  I mean, it's
a fine song and all, but come on - BORING!!!  It's not what I want to
hear at a concert in 2005.  Same with "Where the Streets have really
long names".  I get bored just writing the name of the song.  That
song has had regular radio airplay for 18 years now.  Isn't anyone
else tired of it?  Anyway, they are supposedly rehearsing "An Cat Dubh
/ Into the Heart", "Zoo Station", and "40", so any of those will be
totally killer to see live.

 U2, your songs on the last album, terrible. With you the force is strong... old Rockers. Seeing the
setlist from the rehearsals today brings warm feelings to my heart.

Anyway, my tickets should arrive today.  I think if I put a telescope
in front of my binoculars, I'll be able to make out the shape of the
stage from my $50 seats.  Damn you, unwavering fandom!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Jellyfish

Ok, I've heard your yammerings and now I'm responding. This is a blog update.

I would like to say that I've been too busy to update, but that's not
entirely true. The truth is I've been 1 part lazy, 1 part busy, 1
part too uninteresting to blog about, and 1 part too personal to blog
about. I guess I could tell a funny anecdote from my childhood.

Like the time, when I was 14 and my big brother and I were waiting in
the car after church on a Sunday afternoon. My parents had a station
wagon at the time and I was sitting in the front seat and big brother,
age 17, was in the back seat. I was listening to some ridiculously
good music on the radio, like KLF or FYC or Tone Loc. Anyway, big
brother didn't share in my enjoyment of the music, so he told me to
turn it off. I wouldn't turn it off, and I even turned it up. He
didn't like that idea, so he started swinging his fists at me, over
the back of the chair. And he connected a few times, on the back of
my head, and more importantly, just under my eye, on my cheekbone. He
gave me a black eye, and so I went to school for the next week or so
with a black eye. The best part of it is, nobody at my high school
asked where it came from; I think they all assumed it was just part of
my hardcore lifestyle. So from that time on, I was known at school as
"Razor Fists Ryerson", because I was so tough. This was a definite
improvement over my middle school nicknames, "Puddin' Punch", "The
Jellyfish", "Dank Noodles", "Duck Fart", and "Li'l Faggot".

Anyway, that's my childhood – a collection of traumatic events that
all came together to form the trembling mass that types these words
today.

p.s. I focking hate Social Distortion. Who needs them? Their music,
it's so facking mediocre, I don't know where to begin.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Saint Patrick's Day

Today, the rivers flow green with the blood of the leprechauns.

Monday, March 14, 2005

New Music! Hell Yeah!

Finally! I got some new music over the weekend, including:
1. Spoon: Gimme Fiction - pretty good, although Britt's voice wears on me after about 5 songs
2. Decemberists: Human Behavior - the Bjork song. From an apparently local tribute to Bjork album from iTunes. Does anyone else find his voice good, but sometimes just a li'l toooo much of an affectation? I mean, how British can one's voice get?
3. Stars: Set Yourself on Fire - so far, so good. Apparently, they're on off-shoot of Broken Social Scene.
4. Paul Simon: 64-93 Boxed Set - good ol' rhymin' Simon. Nice songs, pleasant voice. Why isn't there a Paul Simon tribute album with modern cardigan-wearing indie-folksters on it? Belle & Sebastian, I'm looking at you.
5. The Secret Machines: No here is Nowhere - the obvious/idiotic album title notwithstanding I kind of like this modern hippy shite. Excellent drum sounds especially. And they opened for Interpol last fall, even though we arrived after their set.
6. I also bought a "mix" cd from a popular coffee chain whose name we dare not speak. And it's actually a pretty good mix. Joseph Arthur covers the Smiths, so that's a guaranteed winner, and Rufus W. doing "My Funny Valentine". Ok, fine, it was bought at Starbucks, and I'll make you a copy if you ask nicely.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Couch Totally Deserved It

So it appears that Yoshi, our little macho fox terrier finally got tired of being pushed around and mocked by the giant green couch. Last night, as Moz and T and I were pulling out of the driveway to go to Yaholler’s, Yoshi went to his usual place (the back of the couch) to see us off. Apparently he really enjoyed the view. I mean REALLY enjoyed the view. And the couch. At least I hope he enjoyed it, seeing as he made the couch his bitch. The back cushion of the couch specifically. My brother saw it, and came to the couch’s rescue. That poor defenseless couch, when we got back from dinner, it was crying. Yoshi made sure it will never again withhold cigarettes from him.

I think Yoshi’s been going around the house, taking on one furniture item at a time, since the day we got him, turning our furniture into his bitches. My estimate is all that’s left is the microwave (only because it’s up on the counter), and my brother’s bed, which has been hiding like a baby in the basement, where Yoshi is usually afraid to go by himself.

On a random note, I’m missing a pair of shoes and Yoshi recently got a teardrop tattoo by each eye. I’m sure it’s meaningless.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Dark, dank, desolate, dumbfounding: Dubai

A certain flight-attending roommate of mine recently announced her hopes to work for an airline in Dubai. This seems like a terrible, terrible idea to me. I think it's a third, or even fourth-world country. And, I don't even think they speak English. I mean what the hell kind of country is Dubai anyway? Let's see here:

Number of Good Bands from Dubai: 0
Number of Good Movies from Dubai: 0
Number of things I know about Dubai: 0

See? That's not opinion, that's documented facts! Who in their right mind would want to live there? Plus, when you say it out loud, you just re-arrange it a bit and you get: Boo! Die!
See? Even more clinical, unbiased proof.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Randomly Regarding Music

a) The "well-known (and therefore bad?)" statement is a fallacy.
b) Well-known doesn't equal good.
c) Not well-known doesn't equal bad.
d) Also, not well-known doesn't equal good.
e) Well-known doesn't equal bad.
f) The amount unknown/bad music is greater than unknown/good music.
g) Some people have an irrational dislike for known/good music.
h) Some people have an irrational preference for unknown/bad music.
i) There is a century of recorded music to appreciate.
j) No artist exists in a vacuum. There are always outside influences: musical, visual or otherwise.
k) To deny this (H) is irrational.
l) It is educational (and fun!) to research and learn the influences of the artists you consider important.
m) No artist is perfect. Even The Beatles made a few clunky songs.
n) Making a few clunkers doesn't make an artist less great.
o) Some artists are only good for a song or two.
p) Some artists are only good for an album or two.
q) Sometimes, good production and arrangements are more important than the lyrics and melody.
r) Good songs can sometimes but not always outshine bad production and/or arrangements.
s) Some songs are more important than the person(s) that wrote them.
t) Passion can sometimes be more important than precision. Especially in concert.
u) Having a lot of ideas in a song can be self-indulgent and irritating.
v) Not a lot of people have the patience to listen to songs that are longer than 7 minutes, so if you record such a song, make sure its worth it.
w) Sometimes, the hook is best used sparingly.
x) Exceptional music can sometimes, but not always, overcome mediocre lyrics.
y) Exceptional lyrics can sometimes, but not always, overcome mediocre lyrics.
z) Sometimes, songs are better at evoking a feeling or mood rather than a relating concrete idea.