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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Jellyfish

Ok, I've heard your yammerings and now I'm responding. This is a blog update.

I would like to say that I've been too busy to update, but that's not
entirely true. The truth is I've been 1 part lazy, 1 part busy, 1
part too uninteresting to blog about, and 1 part too personal to blog
about. I guess I could tell a funny anecdote from my childhood.

Like the time, when I was 14 and my big brother and I were waiting in
the car after church on a Sunday afternoon. My parents had a station
wagon at the time and I was sitting in the front seat and big brother,
age 17, was in the back seat. I was listening to some ridiculously
good music on the radio, like KLF or FYC or Tone Loc. Anyway, big
brother didn't share in my enjoyment of the music, so he told me to
turn it off. I wouldn't turn it off, and I even turned it up. He
didn't like that idea, so he started swinging his fists at me, over
the back of the chair. And he connected a few times, on the back of
my head, and more importantly, just under my eye, on my cheekbone. He
gave me a black eye, and so I went to school for the next week or so
with a black eye. The best part of it is, nobody at my high school
asked where it came from; I think they all assumed it was just part of
my hardcore lifestyle. So from that time on, I was known at school as
"Razor Fists Ryerson", because I was so tough. This was a definite
improvement over my middle school nicknames, "Puddin' Punch", "The
Jellyfish", "Dank Noodles", "Duck Fart", and "Li'l Faggot".

Anyway, that's my childhood – a collection of traumatic events that
all came together to form the trembling mass that types these words

p.s. I focking hate Social Distortion. Who needs them? Their music,
it's so facking mediocre, I don't know where to begin.


the original lil faggot said...

wow. this explains nothing of how you became a perfect gentlemen. it also explains little to nothing of how your brother manages to be such a sweetheart pretty much every time I see him. still- I guess I'd better be careful during rehearsals lest any off notes offend 'light-nin fists swenson'. of course I havn't sung an off note in, like, 12 years. I mean, any notes out of the key are jazz! so big bro should be able to appreciate that and I doubt I'll be doing any ton loc soon so I should be safe---although I do have a sudden urge to bust out real old school style with: "spuds did the wild thing on my leg---funky cold medina! say what? he was she? I don't mess around with no oscar meyer weena"

Jay said...

Kids should never be left alone in cars. No good can come from that.

I remember this one time, we were leaving my grandmothers, so my sisters and I were waiting out in the van while my mother made a phone call. My sister and I got it in our heads that it would be a good idea to do gymnastics over the back seats, and so we showed off our summersaults and such - until sister's foot got in the way of my mouth. Big bloody mouth, my 2 front teeth knocked out, which we are busy looking for on the floor when my mom calls out the door "Come back inside, we're staying for corn on teh cob!"

kazuhank said...

station wagons were made for sibling brawls. with my three brothers we had it all set... the middle seats were the "squared circle" where the battle went down, while the backwards-facing rear seats, was the sparring area/green room where you warmed up for the next round.

when that grew dull, we'd go back to dropping action figures out of the holes in the floorboard that rusted-through. take that Boba Fett! (as he bounces down 205)

BonikaStJames said...

I remember punching my sister... those were the good times. (of course it was only 4 weeks ago)