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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I'm tired of being cynical.

Well, there it is. I am tired of being sarcastic too, or rather I've kind of realized that it's much easier to be cynical and flippant than to really reason something out and give serious answers for things. For example, somebody recently asked me why I like Star Wars so much. I couldn't think of any reason beyond just nostalgia and mourning my lost childhood. But I didn't want to say something that sentimental.

I've spent a lot of time on this blog talking trash about things (Dubai, Montana, that one guy's website, all 50 United States). Gentle readers, please don't take me too seriously when I put down something. I spend very little time thinking about this stuff and much much much more time after the fact (in person with some of you) trying to defend my half-hearted position against that thing.

So please, take my word for it. The next time I say something like "Jeremy Enigk squandered his gift" or "I'd rather die than listen to the Foo Fighters/live in Montana/visit Dubai/go see the flavor-of-the-month foreign film" just try to remember that I am just one lonesome cowboy in the big city, spouting his mouth off. My opinion about most things doesn't matter, right? I have my opinions, but I am pretty easily swayed by my friends. If you're not my friend, don't bother trying to argue your position against me; I won't listen.

Anyway, to sum up, Jeremy Enigk squandered his gift.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Oregon Rules! (or This and That)

By which I mean, of course, that we scored the highest average on the driving test, the full list can be found here. I'm actually surprised that California didn't rank lower on the list, but now I'm slipping into stereotype mode.

Jump, already!

The Who are seeking video footage of dinosaurs. God knows why.

It's called pot, suckers. Why not just eat a handful a lawn clippings, or make a popsicle out of frozen yard debris?

Anyway, on the home front, I spent yesterday trying to install a screen door onto my house, to mixed results. I ended up getting stuck inside my home, because I had stapled myself in. Thank god I put in that fire escape rope-ladder, or I would have never gotten my Red Hook on last night.

Monday, May 23, 2005

This isn't the blog you're looking for

Thanks for helping me reach 2,577 hits! Here are some searches you can do that will somehow result in my blog as a search result. These were found through the use of the hit counter at the bottom. You can look at the 100 most recent referrering web-sites. There were funnier ones in the past, but these are culled from the most recent 100 visitors:

we hated eachother now
how to make a god deck
vicious vicious blood and clover
newport oregon blog
state idaho "napolean dynamite" named
wookies (on the Spanish version of Google)
I'm the batman
Why Can't I be you
how to droll cars
"why can't i be you" –lyrics
celebrity sloop

Friday, May 20, 2005

I've been memed

I have no blogging idea what the dooce a Meme is. Anyone? Anyone? Beuller? Whatevs. Feaverish over at handed me this baton/questionnaire. Here ye go:

Total volume of music files on my computer:
37 GB.

The last CD I bought was:

Star Wars Epic-robe III: Revenge fo the Seethe - Original Soundcrack

Song playing right now:
Squarepusher: Love will tear us apart
Caribou: Brahminy Kite

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1. Easy/Lucky/Free by Bright Eyes (very sad; I like the sample of the woman screaming)
2. Exit Music (for a film) by Radiohead (one of the first songs ever to make me cry)
2. In the Backseat by The Arcade Fire (Alice died in the night, I’ve been learning to drive my whole life)
3. There is a light that never goes out by The Smiths (romantic, deathly, and gloomy)
4. Deep in the Heart by U2 (spooky lyrics, the best b-side ever)
5. Alameda by Elliott Smith (thinking about your friends / how you maintain all them in a constant state of suspense / for your own protection)

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:.
1. Moz
2. J Crash
3. Boniker
4. Lava Lyre
5. St. Vodka of the Martini

If you are one of the above 5, it is your blogger's duty to copy and paste these questions onto your site and answer honestly, if you dare.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Waiting for a want

Attentive readers will not I've done the semi-annual renaming of the blog and our slogan. We on the Ice Deck staff do everything we can to keep you interested and coming back for more bemusings and beratings and bemisusings of wordings.

Moving on, last Saturday I bought The Official Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sniff game for the ol' Xbox (which is significantly better than the last product tie-in game I bought), and whaddya know, I've already beat it twice now. It's that good, and that easy. Basically, there are a few scenes from the movie in the film, so I'm going to spoil it now for you. The truth is: Darth Vader is actually Luke Skywalker's father! TADA!! The secret is out! The other big surprise is that General Grievous, the robot/alien hybrid is actually a bad guy, despite his pleasant name, raspy voice, and collection of dead jedi's light sabers. I'm most excited because it features an army of wookies, which are awesome, especially Chewbacca. Yoda is also in it, but kind of fake looking. Also, George Lucas has a cameo as an alien sidekick to Jabba the Hutt. He portrays an member of a species, that much like some toads here on Planet Ocean, can ward off predators by puffing up his neck. See here and here.

In related news, every day Paul McCartney and Angela Lansbury look more and more alike.

People in my office are now irritating me, as usual. Sloop out!

Friday, May 13, 2005

Why can't I be you?

Somehow, my popularity has dwindled. My average daily hits has gone from like 50 million down to 12. I blame this solely on the terrorists. If my hits go down, it means the terrorists have won. But I'll tell you, these colours don't run. I once painted some rooms in my house, and some of the colours I used were not runny at all.

In other news, my band lost a member and gained a member yesterday. We're hoping to be a group of four, so the search goes on.

My church now has a blog.

I did a Google image search of myself, but all I got was one lousy hit.

At my job, there's a new guy and it turns out that he was a cook at the cafe I used to work at 10 years ago, at my first job. My first job was fun, and I got free lunches and breakfastes. I enjoyed many ham & swiss on rye's with a cuppa joe & cream. My new co-worker made these for me. He's at least 15 years older than me and now I train him.

Anyway, thank god that Oasis, The Foo Fighters, and the Rolling Stones all have new albums coming out. I can think of a million things I'd rather do than listen to some overcooked re-hashed irrelevant tripe from these geezers. Of course, they're better than 1000 screaming monkeys, or Clay Aiken, but not by much.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I'm thinking of something orange!

What kind of a jerk wears earplugs while working at his desk, answering phones, in a "professional" office environment? The kind of jerk that is my co-worker.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Point of Life

I'm sorry if I ever implied that the point of life was art; that's a terrible, terrible thing to say, and I can't imagine saying that without smirking. Anyway, I've done a lot of thinking these past few days and I think I've realized that one of our reasons for being on earth is to lay around for 10 hours a day, eating fish guts and barking at each other, much like the sea lions.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

The Beach Trip, Part B: Now, the serious part.

After breakfast this morning, M and I went for a last walk on the sand, before coming back home. As we were walking, it began to softly rain and the conversation turned to serious things. After 5 years of marriage, we sometimes need to talk about serious things. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were soaking wet. We packed our things and left.

We were driving back from the coast, on Highway 20, towards Corvallis. It’s a two lane highway, so not very wide and the ground was still wet from the rain. We were listening to U2 sing “If God will send his Angels” as we approached a sharp turn going 50mph. The traffic sign said to reduce speed to 15mph. We slowed down, but as we got closer, a red station wagon came at us from around the turn and fishtailed right as we passed it. “Crap”, I thought, “thank god they’re all right”. I could see a middle-aged mom driving.

The station wagon tried to steer the opposite way to compensate for the fish-tailing, but instead veered into to the wrong lane. It spun about 360 degrees before slamming on its brakes. Then it flipped completely over and off the road, down the cliff on our right. I looked in the mirror and saw the underbelly of the car facing me as it flipped and rolled down the cliff into a blackberry patch.

I was sure I had just watched someone die. The car in front of us, full of OSU students, pulled to the side and everyone got out and started running toward the wreck, cell phones dialing 911. M pulled over and we started running back to the wreck. I nearly burst into tears as I ran; I could feel them welling up in me. And I could feel that lump in my throat. All I could think was: God, why is life so fragile? One minute this family is driving on the road, wondering what they’re going to eat for lunch, and the next minute, they’re at death’s door.

I got to the car and found an OSU student with his arm in a cast helping the driver of the wrecked car walk up to the road. The red station wagon was in one piece, and not on fire. Two little girls from the car were bruised but walking, no broken bones, away from the wreck. Pretty soon, there was about 5 or 6 cars pulled over to the side of the road, everyone trying to help. Someone said, “We’re medical people, is there anything we can do?”. But the answer was, “No, we’re ok, we just need a tow truck to pull the car up.”

So that was it. M and I got back in our car, totally shaky and full of adrenaline; still in shock from thinking we witnessed a tragedy. We started driving again and Bono started singing about God sending his angels, and I wondered if we had just witnessed some angels interfering with earthly business.

I spent the weekend looking at animals and nature and reading about interior design and existentialism and thinking I was pretty content with my current life and then today came along and I’m not so comfortable. Now I have a headache and I’m still thinking about serious things and I wonder why we’re in this mess here anyway.

The Beach Trip: Part A, in which a good time is had by all

My wife and I just spent a few days in beautiful Newport, Oregon. A few memorable moments: Saturday night at about 11:00 pm, some guy in a muscle shirt started walking around on the street below, while yelling and flexing his arms like some kind of pro wrestling jackinanny.

Also, we went to the “Undersea Gardens”, which is basically an indoor salt-water swimming pool, and some guy in scuba gear swims around and holds crabs and fishes up to the window for the crowd to behold. An uninterested high-school girl reads from a coffee-stained page about aquatic life and how Planet Earth should really be called Planet Ocean. It costs $8.95 a person and lasts about 15 minutes. I’m sure that it’s the worst $17.90 we have ever spent.

On Saturday, we went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium which was $11.75 a head, but the whole thrilling adventure took about an hour and a half to get through. My favorite part was the Spanish speaking families telling their kids to “¡Mira! ¡Mira!” at the playful sea otters.

This was all fine and good and we had a couple of awkward breakfasts with other people, because: a) a hot breakfast is served for free to everyone staying at this hotel, and b) meals are served “family style”, which I thought meant we’d all be yelling at each other and saying how we hated each other’s ass faces, but it actually means that each table seats 8 and there’s only a few tables. Consequently, odds are you’ll be sitting near some frumpy NW librarian or Renaissance revivalist. This weekend happened to be the weekend of Ye Glastonbury Renaissance Faire, in Newport, and therefore, several bands of roving idiots could be seen around town in yon costumes from dayes of yore.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Do Wookies dream of electric Vaders?

I'm so excited for Episode III, it's embarrassing. I had a dream the other night that I went to watch Eppy 3 in the theater. I felt so pathetic when I woke up. I can't even dream that I'm Darth Vader or Luke, I have to dream that I'm watching them on-screen. What sense does that make? Wouldn't a more vibrant imagination put me in the middle of the action? Yes. Yes, it would. But I don't have a vibrant dreamy imagination. No, I'm stuck in my pre-release hype mode. I bought 2 action figures from ROTS last week, and I don't even collect action figures! Go figure.

p.s. To Anonymous in Montana - Yes, I'm sorry too, but until you can raise bus fair to get out of the state, you're stuck there. Now that the ol' blog is back up, you can learn about high culture and fine arts again.