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Monday, September 19, 2005

Naked honesty

So Marisa was out of town this weekend, gallivanting around Seattle. At first I was like, great, I can eat whatever I want and watch all 6 Netflix dvds. Which is exactly what I did, but then I discovered that 2 days of doing (almost) nothing but watching dvds, eating frozen burritos for breakfast, drinking root beer with Ouzo, and eating ice cream isn’t quite as satisfying as you might think. Here’s how the weekend went: after watching dvds all day, I was driving out to play at a church on Saturday night, and I was listening to the song “Wake Up” from the Arcade Fire, and I was singing along, and all of the sudden I couldn’t sing along anymore because I was crying, pretty much out of nowhere, the words just resonated with me like never before. I played at the church and then went out to eat with the bandmates and it was good. On Sunday morning, cruel things people said about me in the past came back and got stuck in my head; I started having doubts about anyone’s genuine interest in me, my band, or anything important in life; I started questioning my own talent/determination as a musician, I started questioning my choice of majors at school. To top it off, my cell phone crapped out so I couldn’t call my wife. So I tried to draw a comic to cheer myself up, but it was so horribly depressingly true (or false, it’s hard to tell when you’re depressed) that I could barely even look at it when I was done. My life right then seemed absolutely pointless and unneccessary and I couldn't do anything about it.

Then last night, Mo came back and I spent some time with her and with our friends and things seemed better. So here I am at work and I think I’m back to normal. Thank God Marisa is back; I love you babe.


jonny ragel said...

yea. it's good she's back. by my observations you were feeling morrissey and looking reznor.

MJAPA said...

Awww! That is about the sweetest thing I have read in a while! I love that you love her so much! Some days I feel like I am the only happily married person out there. I know that is crazy, but I don't have a lot of friends in my day to day life that are as in love with their spouses as I am with mine. (Most of them have one foot out the door) Yay for you guys! :-)

Moz said...

thanks babe I lurve, I luff you, I missed you sooooooo much

Sloop said...

johnny - right you are

Michelle - glad you liked it; I'm in love with Marisa, and I'm glad you are in love as well

Mo - right back atcha, sugar lips

BonikaStJames said...

Thank you for your honesty! I don't always say things like this to my guy friends for fear of tipping the delicate balanced of gender appropriate interactions but you are one of my favorite people. I value you and our friendship.

P.S. I am also glad she is back! It's not the same without her around.

BethInPortland said...

We all have those moments! I feel most insecure and unhappy after I watch an episode of some TV show with some super model on it talking about her glamourous lifestyle or something and I'm like--Geez I'm too short--Geez I'm too fat--Geez I'm too poor. My car is crap, my yard is crap, and I'm not very cool to top it off. I have no major talents--I just get by in life being normal and semi-good at most things.
Then I say, Hey, no way. God made me the way I am for a reason. I"m unique and have a purpose. I'm not buying into the lie anymore that I have to be such and such. Plus I have a great husband, wonderful friends and a hell of a lot of fun. Many people would kill to have those things.
Thanks for being honest.