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Friday, October 28, 2005

Last Thursday

So last night, my wife and some of her band of renegades decided to go to the "Last Thursday" event on Alberta Street in northeast Portland. Somehow they twisted my arm with their feminine charm and convinced me to go with them; I wasn't totally alone though, Yoshi (my little wire-haired fox terrier) was a requested guest, so he came along too.

It was kind of surreal going to this street and seeing all the artsy white people walking around, playing music, looking at art, and acting civilized on Alberta Street. You see, I was raised just off Alberta, and my entire childhood, even up until I moved out of my parents house, Alberta was a terrible slum of a street. There was Crip house there, so some sh*t went down. There were some skinheads around. I can distinctly remember several gang shooting just a block from my house. I'm not trying to romanticize or glorify the dangerous neighborhood in which I was reared; it was often frightening, and I couldn't wait to get out of the crappy neighborhood, as it was.

It was about 7 or 8 years ago, and I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would actually walk on NE Alberta by my own free will. When I was a kid, I had always assumed that if I were to ever do any walking down Alberta, it would be because I was being kidnapped by some drug dealers or pimps or drug-dealing pimps, or I was being sold in to white slavery, which was a lucrative business in Portland just 80 years ago.

Some highlights of the night:
-being asked by a scary clown with a sad face if I'd ever been hit in the head with a hammer. The more I thought about it, the more this made me mad. Was he trying to pick a fight? What kind of clown makes a clown-living by intimidating people?
-when Yoshi pooped across the street from a restaurant and 3 of us all pretended to clean it up.
-when some vegan activists tried to give Yoshi a vegan dog treat and he absolutely refused to eat it. Like, it didn't last 1/2 second in his mouth. My dog Yoshi isn't some fruity vegan.
-the one of the only African Americans we saw the entire night had a gun, but that was way down at 17th.
-Yoshi saw some paintings and sniffed them, interestedly. I told the guy selling them that Yoshi was about to make them into post-modern art.

News Flash

This just in:
-Is anyone selling eggnog lattes yet?
-I want one
-More as this story develops
-Is anyone else concerned by the fact that a top U.S. government official is called "Scooter"?

Thursday, October 27, 2005

WTF? Seriously.

I just heard Leonard Leo, executive vice president of the conservative Federalist Society, say that the next Supreme Court candidate should be the best "man, woman or minority" that we can find.

Are women not minorities? Are minorities not comprised of men and women? This is dehumanizing to people everywhere.

I find rather staggering that there are adults alive in 2005 who talk like this.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Why don't you find out for yourself?

Well, gentle readers, I've done it again. Changed majors, that is. It's only the 2nd time in 9 months, and the 3rd time in all my years, so it's really not that bad. I changed my major in high school twice, so 3 times in 7 years is really pretty good. And frankly, I changed back to my original major from when I first started going to school way back before I even started dating Mo, back in the 90's. It was the era of the Lewinsky scandal, Patch Adams, Tubthumping, and of course the end of Family Matters. That's right, it was 1998 when I started seriously going to school. Actually in 96, fresh out of high school, I took one term of music classes and found it to be way way way way over my head, so I entered the workforce.

Then I was an English major for about 3 years of community college (with some music theory and music production years in there somewhere), then an Art History major for my first 2 terms at PSU, then Graphic Design for the past 3 terms, and now I've gone back to my first love: Engllish.

I thought I loved graphic design, and I guess I still do, as far as the design itself goes; what I don't like is the advertising industry side of that career. I kind of loathe rampant commercialism, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to fully dive into a graphic design career without having some kind of ethical question somewhere along the line regarding selling crappy products to poor people. No disrespect intended to any super-talented graphic designers who I know are reading this ;) You guys are good at what you do and I wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world.
But for me, I think I prefer reading and writing.

At least for the next few terms.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

When else but Thursday?

So, it seems I'm having my semi-annual period of self-doubt, self-discovery, and self-help. For example:

a) I'm seriously thinking about changing from Graphic Design to an English major
i) why am I in school?
ii) what do I want to do with my time and my life?
iii) thank God my wife has clear goals

b) In my film class today, we watched a scene from "The Deer Hunter" where the guys are all rowdy and drunk in the bar until one guy plays this haunting little song on the piano, then all the guys quiet down and look at each other while the music plays. By the end of the scene, I had tears in my eyes.

c) I've re-discovered the joy of writing poetry. I shall not give you any examples here today.

d) I looked at my senior yearbook yesterday. One of the signatures was from my friend David Weisenberg who died in Iraq; I don't know what to do about that.

e) the band is going well, but seemingly at a crossroads. More on that next week.

Other than that, everything is good. The Posies were indeed awesome last night at the Doug Fir; I was happy with the set list, especially when closed with "you're the beautiful one" - such a gorgeous song. I wasn't able to see the opening bands, as I had my own band practice to attend to. fter the show, my household got a late night dinner at the Doug Fir restaurant which was also spectacularrrrrr.

Shout out to T. Sickels for being on the phone with Earthlink customer "service" for so many fruitless hours last night. I hope Verizon has room for one more cable modem customer, our house's dsl service is getting worse and worse from Earthlink, or as I call them "we don't speak English, please hold".

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

White Trash Haute Cuisine

Wow, who knew that one silly song could get so many comments (see last post). Well done, folks, and bravo.

Ok, I don't know if that headline is entirely accurate, but it doesn't matter. Ever since we moved so close to 82nd Ave, my wife and I have kind of had a double life when it comes to our eating habits. Well, not even really a double life, but more of a mixture of the sacred and the profane foods coming together in one unholy mix of sinfully delicious dinners. Because, you see, we often buy our groceries in a feeding frenzy of gluttony while making promises to go on uber-healthy diets, so we end up with lots of foods and drinks that were never made to be had together. Because of this, we've decided we need to write a cookbook which recounts these meals. Our ideas so far:
- corn dogs and caviar
- Top Ramen and champagne
- hamburger buns and brie
- Kraft macaroni & cheeze with gouda
- wheat thins & prosciutto

That's all I can think of while I'm at work, but you get the idea. Any suggestions? And don't be silly, like Tortellini & Ketchup, I mean actual foods that you've eaten out of necessity.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I just can’t look its killing me

Consider, if you will, the hard scientific facts: The more popular The Killers' song "Mr. Brightside" gets, the more tragedy there is on earth. Our crack team of top scientists analyzed the data and put together this scientific graph:

Coincidence? I think not. Let's go back in time and un-record that song.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Halloween House of Horror!

It's almost time for Halloween and I've been seriously considering what I should do to honor this most sacred of days (aside from National Boss Day, October 16!). Anway, I think the most disturbing theme I can think of for a party is dubbing my house the "original & true" house. This would entail the entire house being sarcasm and quote-free and no alcohol allowed. Anyone who comes into my deliciously spooky house of horrors would have to speak what's really on their minds and not resort to Big Lebowski or Simpson's quotes. In fact, no pop culture references allowed at all.

This would make the house not only fantastically eerie, but so dreadfully boring that everyone would be scared away within a few minutes. It honestly sounds like a real downer, and I'm not going to say something like, "If sarcasm is a crutch then I walk with pride" because that would be a Steve Taylor song quote, of sorts.

As I'm getting farther along in the planning stages for this spooktacular event, I am terribly sorry to inform you than I am regretfully unable to attend, because this party sounds: a)weak, b) lame, c) boring, d) delightfully horrible

That certain feeling

Do you ever get that feeling like all the cashew nut chicken you thought you had for lunch was just an illusion, a bizarre charade, if you will? And that feeling that you pay for 1000 cell phone minutes per month but only use 300? And that you have to take the car through DEQ because the tags expired 4 days ago? And that you dreamt of Krispy Kremes and then when you got to work, there were Krispy Kremes in the break room?

I have that feeling right now.

Also, anyone else going to the free Doug Fir show tonight? It's some band, then a band called Cabinessence and then Scott McCaughey, who you might know from his work with The Minus 5, Wilco, or REM.

And let's not, nay, let's never forget, The Posies next Wednesday at ye olde Doug Fir, for which tickets are only $10. Woot! See you all there.

Friday, October 07, 2005

This just in!

" Feces-Covered Sex Offender Arrested Near School
Man Made Loin Cloth From Rope, Lawn Chair Piece
A registered sex offender who fashioned a loin cloth from a rope and piece of lawn furniture has been arrested near a Medford high school."

This is so disgusting and hilarious, I don't even know where to begin. Thank god they caught the creep, but seriously, who in 2005 fashions loincloths? Not to mention loincloths made from rope and lawn furniture? I mean what the hell is going on here?

In other poop-related news, it seems that South Park will now be playing for a full hour (11-12) every night on channel 49 in Portland, and I, for one, can't wait to start watching. Thanks to this site for the heads up.

Show Review: U2

First, they got up on there and played "All Because of You" with a pre-recorded acoustic guitar and percussion track. Then this giant fire-haired leprechaun b.s.'ed with them about "Hey, so how did you get started?". A nice little Q & A, or I think it was. If they played along with pre-recorded music, what's to stop them from lip-syncing along with pre-recorded answers for the interview, right? Are there no rules? Has the whole world gone crazy? Well, not me! I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! Everybody, right now, get up off the couch and go to your window and yell at the top of your lungs, "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

Then they played "Origin of the Species", and inserted some lyrics about appearing on late night tv. They had a guy playing keyboards and a little string quartet in the back, but they didn't look mic'ed. Then Bongo got on his soapbox derby about fixing all the world's problems. Then they played "Stuck in a moment" and then for the shocker of all shockers, the most amazing miracle in the history of humankind, they played that iPod song! OMG!! LOL!! J/K!! TTYL!!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

We're both part of the same hypocrisy, senator, but never think it applies to my family.

For those of you who don't think that U2 are corporate sell-out hacks, or think they are but enjoy them anyway, then you might be interested in tonight's Conan O'brian: pure U2 show. No crappy teen actresses, bad stand-up comics or celebrity train sets, just U2 for the entire show. Portlanders: set your VCR for channel 8 at 12:30 am, Friday October 7.

note to my wife and the artist formerly known as the Flying Waitress: sorry for making you stay up till 12:35 last night. I swear I read that it was supposed to be Wednesday's show! It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Where does America go from here?

Tough Choice: this or this?

Notes from today's class discussion of "A Clockwork Orange"

- there is a thing called "the masculinity cult" that the TA likes to talk about
- I'm a dude and therefore probably part of "the masculinity cult"
- should I feel guilty for having a dong?
- "Kubrick isn't as divorced from Alex as he'd like to believe" - the TA
- there's no blatant causality for Alex's violence
- senseless violence, like 'Nam
- I'd like some coffee
- Alex is full of rage against "the man", he takes it out on everyone except "the man"
- more bullcrap about "the masculinity cult"
- "Kubrick isn't as divorced from Alex as he'd like to think he is" - the TA, 2 minutes later
- violence as performance art
- what does it all mean?
- I don't know
- even more bullcrap about "the virility cult"
- infantilism - milk, diaper-ish costumes, acting on every impulse, pure id
- id rhymes with squid
- I don't like seafood, nor kalamari
- Dog Day Afternoon, etc.