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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Best Emails of 2005

Some people are doing their best cds or movies lists. I thought I'd take an alternate route for today and share with you the highlights of my favorite emails that I've either sent or received in the past year.
Fun Fact: Only 2 of these emails are fictitious!!

10. Subject: How to blog
F: Dude, I don't think I need "blog" advice from someone named "Tony."
M: Yeah, you do. This article was nominated for a bloggie. When was your
last nomination?
F: Thanks to you, never! And a blog about blogging is just a little too
post-modernist/meta for me. And anyways I like to think of my website
as more of an Adventure Magazine than a blog. I mean, I rarely write
about my own bowel movements and I even more rarely tell the truth.
M: What's that you say? Every one of your entries is like a bowel movement! Zing!

9. Subject: Cookies
Did you eat all the cookies in the breakroom? That's not cool, Peter, not cool. It was ***'s birthday and he only got one. I'm not placing blame, but *** saw you had a stack of 6 cookies next to your monitor. I'm going to have to write you up for this...

8. Subject: Lunch?
Noon okay?

7. Subject: Hey Jake
Did you fart?

6. Subject: Radio
I will definately tell you straight up and RIGHT AWAY if somehting is interfering with my ability to work efficiently

keep your ears open

5. Subject: Office Noise!!
...and when i'm trying to work and learn the ropes of 120 new accounts handed to me in mid cycle with a dozen hold overs and per requests. - I DON"T WANT TO HEAR IT....especcally not talk show jabbering. instrumental music is easy on my mind, song with lyrics are a little more jangling, TV or talk radio is a complete concentration KILLER for me. i can't read, write, study, or think with the IDIOT BOX on.

4. Subject: I cant wokr with all this noise!!
sometimes it seems like you're more intrested in DJing entertainment for us all, than working... and you seem to have this punk attitude about it....

3. Subject: NOISE POLUTION!!
BUT SINCE YOU E-MAILED **** about me me behind my back, i will reply to both of you:i have just as much right to work and concentrate here, as you do to listen to radio commedy on the job! the people back here perviously were acoustically considerate and quiet, played music occasionally AT THEIR DESK, and had no attitude about it....

2. Subject: Mask! here today, wearing a surgical face mask just like Michael Jackson. I swear, he's so weird. And apparently he's being super weirder than usual. So that's pretty, pretty weird.

1. Subject: RADIO!!!
...asked yu many tiemes!!! TURN DOWN YOUR RADDIO!! I CAN'T CONCNETRATE WITH THAT STUPIRD CARP PLAYEING!! Ive asked *** and he said to go and tell *** about it so I don't evne nkow why I'm writing this !! ?


kazuhank said...

i'm sensing a theme here...

MJAPA said...

#9 is too funny! They should have titled it 'cookie monster'. Office politics are silly yet unavoidable.
For the record, I would have eaten all of the cookies!

BethInPortland said...

Dear Lord, do you really get such emails from this office mate? Has he tried talking to you face to face. Or have you maybe tried earphones?