A true, unedited conversation between a friend of mine (F) and myself, regarding his thoroughly biased, uninformed view of the people at my church, Robert DeNiro, and the true meaning of Christmas:
me: your ideas of my church change on a weekly basis. one week we're drunken pot smokers, the next we're the Bush administration. which is it?
F:: A little from column A, a little from column B. This week you're gay-hating flag-burners.
me: ha. hilarious.
F:: Funny because it's true.
me: but of course.
F:: Mostly I see you as a cross (ha!) between Ned Flanders and Stryper. You guys are also like Robert DeNiro's hip priest from that movie … uh … what's it called? With Brad Pitt and Jason Patric?
me: wtf? i have no idea.
F:: Well just imagine a hip priest played by Bobby DeNiro.
me: Robert deNiro has a priest for his hip?
F:: That's what you guys are like.
me: and my entire church is like said priest?
F:: Yeah. He smokes, he cusses, etc. But he's a priest!
which one is it?
i have only the faintest memory of that movie
F:: Yah. DeNiro plays a hip priest.
me: hmm. cool.
yes, my church is a lot like DeNiro, but more of a Jake La Motta/Vito Corleone/Rupert Pupkin.
F:: I also imagine Juliette Binoche in Chocolat. Alfred Molina may be the priest, but Juliette Binoche knows the true meaning of Christmas.
me: yeah, hot sex with Johnny Depp is the true meaning of Xmas.
F:: Well it is in France.
me: i'm totally gonna blog that.
me: i won't use your name tho.
me: it'd probably burn up the moment i typed it in the same sentence as "church".