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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Whose line is it anyway?



I just returned from my work's local Starbucks. When I walked in the doors, I couldn't believe what was going on. I thought I was in a carnival hall-of-mirrors fun house or something, because everything was so disproportionate. Specifically, the line was all wrong. I was the fourth person in line, yet I was approximately 20 feet from the counter, standing in the doorway. You see, every person found it necessary to stand about 4 to 5 feet behind the person in front of them. I tried to fix the problem by glaring at the people ahead of me in line, to no avail. I looked around the cafe, to see if anyone else noticed how bizarre the line was, and it looked like one person smirking while watching us.

I took the above picture after waiting for about a minute, and people had started shuffling around a bit, so it doesn't quite convey the absurdity of the spatial relations. I'm all for personal space, believe me, but if someone were to tell me that "the line was out the door", I'd expect more than 4 freaking people in line. Maybe everybody in line ahead of me should be wearing glasses, but wasn't, so they had no depth perception. Or better yet, maybe they were all really cyclops' and just faking like they had 2 eyes, so they couldn't see that the person in front of them was WAY in front of them. That's what I'm going with.

Before and After













The photo on the left is from about 10 weeks ago. The photo on the right is from a few days ago. Just charting Simon's progress in relation to the island in the kitchen, on the shelf of which he now loves to climb. He's probably 23 pounds and just a couple weeks shy of his first birthday. He's a pure joy to be around, plus he's now learning to join in when we chide Lola (the dog) for being bad. He makes an angry face and talks gibberish, very sternly, to her.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Sad Truth

The Rat-filled Race

Some of you may have noticed that I've been posting a lot more lately. This is explained by 2 factors: 1) A few months ago, I started working full-time (again) in the office job I've been at (off and on) for so many years, and 2)on most days, my job is infinitely boring, plus there's a lot of down time, so I usually have time to read the internet cover to cover, and make my own contribution to it. In fact, startling statistics have just been announced, revealing the relationship of office boredom and coffee consumption:

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lazy post?


First off: after this morning's donut, I decided I should go back to low-carbing it, at least for a while. So now I'm enjoying some peppery beef jerky.

Moving on: every once in a while, I find it interesting to take a peek at which text searches bring people to this blog. Here are some of those searches:

"Pine State Biscuits"
"did elvis do any commercials/endorsements"
"snake with arms"
"never seen things"
"tips for spicing up your love life"
"menomena under an hour blogspot" (in Spanish!)
...and the winner is:
"most amazing blog ever" (Yes, congratulations on finding it. It's right here; you're reading it.)

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Mexican Food, Biscuits, and Fugazi, of course



Has anyone visited that new Mexican place by Bipartisan Cafe & The Academy Theater? I think it's called Rojo's Latin Quarter or maybe Romo's or something. I remember the font on the sign more than the words comprised in the font. It was a bad font. Not papyrus, but something else distractingly bad, for sure.

On a similar note, when will the Pine State Biscuits restaurant open? Moz and I used to get their sandwiches at the PSU farmer's market, but I think that market is closed for the winter. Their restaurant is supposed to open this winter, so since there's only a few weeks left, I'm guessing it's soon. Then again, if I go back to a low-carb dealy, then biscuits will be (again) strictly for the birds. Literally. And figuratively.

Finally, I have to silently curse something (God? The Devil? U2? Myself?) for not "discovering" Fugazi until after I turned 30. WTF self? Why are you so nonsensical sometimes?

Another Simon video

A different video. Maybe this one will work. This is from about a month ago and accurately portrays an average evening in our house. Seriously. It's just constant crawling and laughing.

Monday, February 18, 2008

A few links and such


Some website called Spinner has put together a list (lists: America's 2nd biggest industry!) of the 25 best band logos. A fairly interesting read.

Also, I came across a "Letter to America" which (according to Snopes) is falsely rumored to be written by John Cleese. It's pretty hilarious and I think it makes some really strong arguments as to why we should have our independence revoked. Read it here.

And, heads up Maurice Sendak fans! Is this test footage from the forthcoming (in 2009!) Where the Wild Things Are? Looks like. It sounds like maybe Sean Penn is the voice of the monster.

Finally, as you may (or may not) see in the previous post, I put a video on youtube. It's a simple video, just my wife and baby playing around. However, after loading it (twice!) onto youtube, I can't get it to show up on the blog here for more than a day at a time. And when I log into my youtube account, it shows that I haven't uploaded a single video. Maybe I'm dense (this blog is subtitled "Computer-dumb, book-smart" for a reason) but I just can't figure the dern thing out. Any hints, webnerds?

Update: Moments before writing this blog, the below video said "We're sorry, this video is no longer available". But now it looks like it is available.

Update 2: It's only playing on my computer, not my coworker's. What the what?!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Family Video

Sand in your what? also, that was the 90s

1. There is almost nothing worse than trying to eat a bite of week old birthday cake only to find yourself crunching into a mouthful of half cake, half sand. Trust me on this one.

2. Is it ironic or just stupid that when using the Netflix online movie viewer, and you try to skip ahead 1 minute, it takes 3 minutes to load? And why is said viewer only accessible through Internet Explorer? Does anybody even use IE anymore? What is this, the Clinton Administration? Is everyone getting psyched for Nancy Kerrigan's appearance at the Olympics? Is My So-Called Life starting to gain some attention? Are the Spice Girls yet to make a movie? I think I've made my point.

3. And now, here is the modern dance interpretation of Internet Explorer:

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy V.D. Day


Here's an original poem you can feel free to use, instead of that mass-marketed Hallmark crap:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
What I like about you most is
You don't smell like poo
Very often


I think Kazugoogoo will agree with me when I say "Thank god that cop last night didn't ticket me". But the surprisingly not-rude cop did alert me to some tail-light problems on ye olde horseless carriage.

And now, today's vitriol: I wish I had a bouquet of dead roses to send across the street to the numbskulls at Jiffy Lube, who, after spending nearly an hour tinkering on my car, managed to leave my occasionally working tail-lights in worse condition than before they got their barely functional brains to working on them. Seriously, the guy asked if my name was spelled "P-E-T-T-E-R". My second clue, alerting me of their incompetence was the big sign on the door of their lobby which read "Help wanted. No auto experience required."

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I think therefore iPhone, or, A pretty hilarious week.


Last weekend Marisa had her 30th birthday, so I celebrated by buying myself an iPhone. Wait, let me back up. It seems that the Flying Waitress decided to give an iPhone to Marisa. So, whether it was mercy or pity, or perhaps even a sense of justice or fairness, my wife let me buy an iPhone for myself. This was a pretty fun and unexpected turn of events for the weekend, but I was mostly happy that Marisa had a good birthday. Between the shmancy dinner on Friday, and then the snow tubing and little party with some friends on Saturday, I think we had a pretty fun and memorable time. Then my ma had a birthday on Monday, so we went to Ya Hala for some hummous, grape leaves, et al. So, two birthdays, two iPhones, and bunches of cake and ice cream have occupied much of my time for the past week. That's about it. Nothing too hilarious, I'm afraid.

Oh, wait, did I forget to mention the clowns that showed up and threw banana creme pies in everyone's faces? And, uh, then I, uh, slipped on some banana peels at the top of a staircase, then I fell onto some rollerskates and skated down the stairs and landed backwards on a horse, which galloped around town and finally bucked me off into a pile of cow poo. Yeah. A pretty hilarious week, actually.